Hey brother,
Desmond Tutu said:
Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.
When I tell men to:
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- Quit hoping for a reconciliation.
- Quit hoping for her to come to her senses and not divorce you.
- Quit hoping for her to fall back in love with you again.
…I’m not saying HOPE is a bad thing.
Hope can be very useful when applied correctly.
But hope, when applied from a place of fear, insecurity and inaction, is a totally ineffective approach to improving your situation AND your perception of your situation.
Why?
Because when we use hope as a tool to get others to change we are staying “in the dark”.
Our ability to “see that there is light” means that we see we have personal agency to create an amazing outcome even in the face of darkness.
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Christopher Reeve didn’t sit in the darkness hoping for a cure to his paralysis.
He didn’t sit in his wheelchair hoping for his body to respond.
He didn’t sit in his living room hoping for someone to give his life meaning and to change his reality.
Yes, he placed some hope in the science of stem cell research.
He also placed hope in that something good would come from his tragedy. He pushed himself to become healthy despite his injury.
He was relentless in his pursuit of knowledge.
He took responsibility for maximizing his physical health.
He was tireless in his public speaking and sharing his story to the world.
In my view, his HOPE was based in the light he wanted to create from the darkness that fell upon him.
Do I need to connect the dots for you here?
I don’t think so.
Bottom line:
If you’re going to employ HOPE, make sure you focus it on your ability to learn and grow from your situation…to develop the strength and wisdom to create an amazing life in the process.
I talk more about the kind of hope I want for you in this video.
Proactive Hope
I just invented that term.
What is “proactive hope”?
It’s the realization that you ARE NOT THE VICTIM OF YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES. You have agency – your personal power within – to change your circumstances even if you can’t prevent certain negative outcomes.
It’s the acceptance of responsibility for changing your perspective…changing your THINKING and, therefore, changing those feelings of hopeless desperation that cause paralysis.
When you decide to take responsibility you will then start making decisions and declarations that align with your values and your truth.
This causes an immediate change in your circumstances AND an immediate change in your emotional experience of your circumstances.
And THIS is where you need to be in order to create a whole new story of your future.
For most men, it’s their inability to imagine A FULFILLING AND REWARDING FUTURE that feeds their desperation, resentment and sadness.
How to Start Creating Your Amazing Future Story
It all starts with surrounding yourself with wise, caring, initiated men who have traveled the same path as you.
You must have a tribe of men around you who can teach, encourage and support you in the journey. It is positively the FASTEST and MOST EFFECTIVE way for you improve your current situation – inside of you and outside of you.
Here are some immediate options for you to stop hoping and instead use your agency and start creating a whole new reality for yourself:
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know living in a sexless marriage is serious…and so is showing your kids what a healthy affectionate relationship looks like
- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
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$69 Monthly Subscription: Join Dan and I in our Men’s Roundtable Group Coaching membership. We meet three times per month for live group coaching and we support you in a powerful group of men facing the same issues you are. Get instant access to 5 years of recorded sessions. Try it for one month. What have you got to lose?
$397 One-Time Payment: How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a self-paced course with me, Tim Wade, and a community of men learning how to lead when you’ve just heard, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” or “I want to separate or divorce.”
As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
