Has your wife said “I’m done”? Worrying whether your marriage is over can be totally overwhelming and it can cause you to do a whole bunch of things that make things worse. We help men navigate this period in your life so that whatever happens with your marriage, you know, without doubt, that you will have a great future.
Is She Staying Or Leaving?
Here’s one of our top five questions we get every day.
“How do I know if it’s too late…I mean, how do I know if I have a chance to save this marriage…I mean, how can I convince her she should stay…I mean HOW DO I KNOW WHEN SHE’S REALLY DONE?”
It’s really quite simple. Really.
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If she is remarried and living a new life,
she’s probably done.
From what I’ve seen after 9 years of working with men in this spot, wives give their husbands a LOT of time to convince her to stay.
“I’m done!” oftentimes means something other than “I’m done with YOU!” It might mean:
- I’m done with feeling unhappy
- I’m done with feeling insignificant and unappreciated
- I’m done with taking care of everyone but me
- I’m done with being a disappointment to everyone
- I’m done with having no fun, adventure or variety in my life
- I’m done with not FEELING IN LOVE! (I know, that’s the granddaddy of ’em all)
What if this is what she’s “done with”?
What if these are the things that leads a woman to finally being “done with you”?
What does a man do with that?
How does he know she’s not really leaving? And what should he start thinking, doing and saying differently to help the situation?
Other articles you may find helpful:
Men…Anxiety…and Why We Suck at Relaxing!My Wife Never Initiates Sex…What Can I Do?
I talk to you about it in this video.
How to Know When She’s Really Done…and when she’s not
A Word Of Caution About Wanting Her To Stay
Listen closely.
If your burning desire is for her to stay with you…to just make it like it was before…or to take away your fear of being rejected and left all alone, you’re probably going to end up divorced.
Why?
Because that’s part of what most wives are “done with” too.
If the moment she says, “Okay, I’m staying.” you breathe a huge sigh of relief, grab a beer, ask her for sex and then grab a tee time for Sunday…you’ve missed the point.
Your Old Mariage Is Over
I Want YOU To Be Done Too
I want you to be done with your marriage the way it was.
Marriage 1.0 needs a serious upgrade. Version 2.0 is essential and it can’t be delayed another year in testing.
This means Version 2.0 of YOU must be your top priority.
This does NOT mean you must become a flailing white knight who falls over himself each hour checking in with her to see how can serve her Highness. (She’s done with that crap too, by the way.)
Version 2.0 of you has new expectations of himself and how he shows up.
- He’s not an angry, over-reacting guy anymore.
- He’s not secretly pissed off and afraid of her.
- He’s not distracting himself with lazy, unproductive habits.
- He is available, engaged and responsive to her without neediness.
- He has a new sense of mission…self of self…and clarity about HOW he wants to be.
And he doesn’t waste time talking about it! (She’s done with that too, by the way)
Skills For Creating A New Version Of Your Marriage
Version 2.0 of your relationship will require BOTH of you to upgrade your skills, your thinking and your habits.
You get to go first. Why? Because. That’s why.
Men go first because they choose to, regardless of what anyone else is doing.
Period. (And, she’s done with going first, by the way)
Tomorrow, I want you to try something new.
If you relate to this email, it means time is wasting.
Simple rules. Tomorrow is “remove all pressure” day.
- Don’t ask any questions about the relationship.
- Don’t argue about ANY stupid stuff.
- Pay attention, really pay attention, when she is talking to you. Allow silence when she paused and wait for more. Listen. Don’t analyze or fix a damn thing.
- Find something that makes you laugh…I mean really makes you laugh. (this is important)
Do this the second day and then the third day.
Then shoot me an email to tell me if you did it and how you felt. (we don’t care if it “worked” or not). This is an accountability step.
Most men are not accountable to anyone for being better.
Most men are lone rangers in their relationships and have ZERO deep, meaningful and productive conversations with other smart men.
Most men are getting divorced simply because they don’t know HOW to make the effort needed to stay married and create a better relationship.
Stressing if your marriage is over won’t help. Embrace a new experience of the relationship by being “done” with the old marriage. This is an important mindset to have. Calm, clear, FUN behaviors will relieve pressure. Love being this kind of confident man!
Do You Want To Know More?
If so, are you ready to have a 90-minute conversation about it? About YOU? About HER?
And about how to string together more good days than bad? How to start Version 2.0 of you?
We’ll set up a “2×4 of Clarity Coaching Call”. No strings.
Either I or one of my amazing coaches will contact you right away if you send in this incredibly personal contact form. (I’m always amazed how much detail guys put in this thing)
