Your Wife Wants Space? Here’s What to Do (and Not to Do) Next

I know the articles and videos I create can yank you around in all the wrong places sometimes and I’m sorry.

But not really. I’m really not sorry for poking and prodding you into action.

The reason I can tickle your pain points is because I’ve felt every single damn one of them myself. And as you already know, the pain isn’t hard to recall.

But what I know about this kind of pain is that it’s the EXACT thing that finally motivates good men into action. It wasn’t until I was staring at my own confused face in the mirror and my tangled guts on the floor when I said, “Man, I need to figure this sh!t out.”

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I want to help you find the truth about your mojo. Mojo is about your true worthiness – your true value – your true power.

Mojo is about feeling calm, clear and confident again about yourself, your life and your most important relationships.

Mojo is about knowing where you’re going and WHY you want to go there. There’s nothing like it.

Sometimes I think I’m saying the same stuff over and over again. But what I know is this.

A guy can hear the same damn thing 1000 times and not actually UNDERSTAND IT until that 1000th time.

Have you heard these words:

I need space
I need to find some freedom
I need some distance
I need to get out of this cage
I need to find who I am
I need to find my identity

You’re going to hear this from your wife or partner. If you haven’t heard it yet, you will hear it at some point.

What I want you to know is that it’s almost always not about you.

When she gets to that point, it isn’t about something that’s been done or said specifically to do with you.

It’s important that you understand, this is a time where you can react or respond – and the way that you react or respond to this trigger in your life will make all the difference to what happens next.

When a woman wants distance from you, you have to respond in a way that she can respect.

I know the other way we can go with this because I was that guy. We get all needy. We ask lots of questions like:

What’s the matter?
What can I do?
What do you want from me?
What did I do wrong?
What can I do to help?

We start cleaning up more. We pay attention more. We get even closer. We start holding on tighter, like a bull rider who’s lost the bull but he holds on anyway out of pride. And it’s a really stupid thing to do.

You have to let go.

It’s really hard to do.

It’s really hard to do because it’s so counter-intuitive.

When a woman is pulling away from you, needing more space and indicating she’s not happy, you have to know, it’s not that she’s not happy with you. It’s just that she’s not happy.

The best thing you can give her…the most attractive strength you can show her, is patience and distance.

She needs to know that you’re OK even if she isn’t OK.
She needs to feel that you’re going to be fine even if she’s still searching for her identity and wellbeing.

So my advice for you when you hear anything like “I need space”, “I feel caged”, “I feel like you’re smothering me”, is to let go…take a deep breath and back off.

It’s so hard to do but you need to stay calm.

It’s like being in front of a salivating rottweiler and the person in control of the animal says “Hey, just be calm, he’s more afraid of you than you are of him”. And you just think – Yeah right!

But that’s what it’s like. It’s counter-intuitive to calm down and relax.

You have to talk to other men at this point because you do have a need to talk. You need to communicate, to vent and be vulnerable, and talk about the fear – becasue it does suck. It sucks when a woman pulls awy from you and you feel that distant energy.

You have to talk about it – just not with her. Because that’s even more pressure. it will push her further away and the more we do that, the less respect and attraction she can feel for us.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage.

If you want to learn more about how to take a bigger step toward being a clear-headed, confident man of action, then find out more here. I would be thrilled to help you get there – our first discovery call is always free and always gives you a BIG boost of confidence.

You WILL become a clearer, stronger, more confident man only through other men. Your woman cannot take you there – and she doesn’t WANT to…trust me on that.

Photo: Flickr: Ed Yourdon

Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach

Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on many television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels discussing the coaching and psychology factors relating to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides personal, practical, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats, group coaching and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and the right mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor for men who teaches his clients how to discover their masculine strength so they can confidently take the actions required to create the life and relationships that they really want. With over 10 years experience he has created thousands of videos and articles for well known relationship websites such as The Good Men Project, Medium and the Gottman Institute.

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