When a client and I are working on understanding the perspective of a woman, I use many analogies – any analogy – that clicks with him. One of my favorites and one of the most effective analogies is with “talking” to horses. Horse training or “whispering” is a long time fascination and hobby of mine that has numerous helpful insights into the language of women.
By language I am referring to the whole body of communication including verbal, non-verbal, and physical communication. This communication also includes intuition and perception. Horses and women share an exquisite and nearly supernatural ability to sense the intentions of others. Both can send and receive signals that are imperceptible to a common man. And both expect us to “get them” regardless of our limitations. A man must embrace this reality and choose to learn to operate in harmony with it.
Stated simply, to be successful with horses you have to learn a whole new language. You have to learn a whole new perspective on what a horse NEEDS. You have to learn that you will eventually FAIL with training horses if you don’t understand and act upon ONE TRUTH. That is:
A person who chooses NOT to deeply understand their language and their needs will eventually lose them. This applies to both horses AND women.
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The person will lose their:
- Emotional connection
- Trust
- Respect
- Cooperation
- Willingness to try anything
A husband who refuses to learn and understand this will continually make mistakes that drive her crazy and he will never know why. In many relationships the unfortunate result is that she will decide to get her needs met somewhere else and with someone else. She feels that she had no choice. Just like the horse trainer who has failed to make a connection, the husband is left wondering what happened.
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The GOOD NEWS is that it doesn’t have to be this way. Even in horse training where the horse is entirely shut down and distrustful, there is hope. Reversing the downward spiral can be done when a man adopts a new commitment to learning and sets higher expectations for himself.
With an authentic and consistent effort, a man will learn how to create emotional safety with her. He will learn how to give love and respect in ways that SHE wants to receive them. He does this without expectation or pressure to receive anything in return. It is just who he is. A natural result of his unconditional love will be a renewed connection of trust and respect. Mutual giving and receiving can now happen more comfortably which allows attraction and intimacy to grow.
He will learn to accept responsibility for creating environments in which others can be drawn to him…to trust him…to respect him…to thrive! His new mode of living will forever change HIS life and the lives of those he loves. This is the man he was meant to be.
