My Wife Says “You need to work on yourself”

From 1999 to 2005 I owned and operated a Bed & Breakfast (and Horse Hotel) in the mountains of northern Colorado.

Many of my guests were from a large Buddhist retreat center about a mile down the road.

These were people seriously into “personal growth work” and many were repeat guests.

They learned how to meditate, how to be mindful, how to be kind to themselves, how to witness their own thoughts and how to end their suffering by detaching from their desires…and lots of other cool stuff.

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In fact, if you read much of the stuff I write about that cool stuff may sound oddly similar. Most personal development stuff does. It gives you a shot in the ass for the moment and is easy to consume. It can be as habit-forming as a bag of “Sea Salt and Vinegar” potato chips. (my weakness)

And that’s the problem.

Personal growth work can often be a long-term diet of cotton candy quotes and cliches.

Do you ever find yourself gorging on personal development books, videos, podcasts or retreats only to find yourself right back where you started a few weeks later?

I saw that a LOT from my Buddhist B&B guests. They never seemed to “grow” or “develop”. They seemed to be in a perpetual dark funk searching for answers. And they returned every few months for another hit of cotton candy.

Their “personal growth work” was really a crock of sh*t. Just going through the motions.

In this video, I explain what I think they were missing.

Does this apply to you?

YouTube video

Accountability.

That’s what was missing.

“Accountability separates the wishers in life from the action takers who care enough about their future to account for their daily actions.” ~ John Di Lemme

I started some personal development in the 80’s reading stuff about leadership and management. Then there was “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” which made me think deeply about my own habits and thoughts about success.

I kept those thoughts to myself for the next 15 years. I had nobody to talk to about my secret fears and ambitions to actually IMPLEMENT the things in those books that moved me emotionally.

As a result, I made no real changes and continued to let life happen to me and reacted the best I could.

Then at age 50 I discovered the miracle of working with other men. These were men who challenged me, pushed me and believed in me more than I believed in myself.

I learned that my prior lackluster life was the result of keeping my “personal development” a big secret from the world. Most of my friends were not interested in talking about the stuff that was putting knots in my gut. The knots were my desire to go deeper.

I had zero accountability to myself. And I had no one to help hold me accountable. No parent. No teacher. No mentor.

This is why I created Goodguys2Greatmen.

I wanted to recreate my experience of being in a powerful, supportive brotherhood of really smart, caring men. These are men who relish in the challenge of thinking bigger, speaking more unapologetically and taking bold actions.

This brotherhood is all about compassion, understanding, support AND accountability. We don’t let men off the hook easily when we see them making the same mistakes and using OLD THINKING to solve to same OLD PROBLEMS.

Are you ready to start making changes faster than ever?

Are you ready to make up for the lost time caused by inaction?

Are you ready to learn life-changing perspectives about marriage, women and sex that your father never told you?

Join us in the Goodguys2Greatmen Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable.

Dan Dore and I run this group coaching format twice a month. The most you can lose is $69 and about 2 hours of your life.

This is a group of the strongest, smartest, kindest and most supportive men you will find on the planet earth.

The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.

Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and I host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

What if this next year everything changed for you?

That’s what we want for you brother.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

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You can watch all my videos here and read my blog articles here.

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Frequently Asked Questions


Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
  • Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
  • Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
  • You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
  • You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

This is the secret your dad never told you about – You have more power than you know.

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