It’s midnight. It’s raining. You stopped by the grocery store to get stuff you really need and you’re in a hurry to get home.
Just as you throw the last bag in the car you turn to look at the empty shopping cart.
What do you do next?
Nobody’s watching. Nobody will know.
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You can shove it into the space next to you and take off or you can beach it on a nearby island.
Surely there’s some 14-year-old whose job it is to come find your cart in the morning.
Or…do you bite the bullet and run it (or ride it preferably) down to the nearest “Cart Corral” area where the other good doobies put their carts?
No judgment here, brother. I’ve done it both ways in my day.
It’s funny when I bring this example up in a coaching call with a man. Before I even finish the question he always says,
“Oh man, I ALWAYS take it back to the cart corral!”
He immediately knows what I’m getting at. He knows who he wants to be. Even if he’s lying to me.
It’s just a way to make a point about your “Masculine Operating Principles” (aka. M.O.P.’s).
The point is…most men don’t have any.
And that usually makes for an unhappy, uncertain, unfocused man.
I explain WHY this is in this video.
So when we’re talking about a simple action you can take or not take, we’re not talking about the action itself and what that means as far as others and society are concerned.
We’re not even talking about right and wrong.
What we’re talking about is WHO YOU WANT TO BE.
So in those times in your life when you’re operating against a better version of yourself – a version that I’d really rather be but I know I’m not doing it – I know I don’t have a clear understanding of my own values or as we like to call them “Masculine Operating Principles“.
MOP’s are a set of values that a man needs to have FOR HIMSELF.
It’s a set of values that say “Who am I?” and “What do I expect of myself when nobody is even watching?”
Even if I won’t get caught, what is my baseline CHARACTER?
What behavior do I expect of myself?
And why?
The result of a man who doesn’t have MOP’s or a list of values clearly defined for many aspects of his life is that he becomes wobbly, wishy-washy, indecisive and he becomes unhappy. He gets angry a lot and he gets triggered a lot.
He REACTS a lot to things that happen because he doesn’t know what he thinks or believes about them.
He doesn’t know who he thinks he’s supposed to be.
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So a man without MOP’s (Masculine Operating Principles) experiences a lot of problems with his confidence and his calm peace of mind in who he is and the value he brings to any situation.
EVERY man I know, wants to have an inner feeling of calm, of confidence, of peacefulness. An inner knowing that you’re OK and without values, it’s hard to do that.
There are some old cliché’s about this such as “If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will get you there”, or “If you don’t take a stand, you’ll fall for anything.”
So what I want to encourage you to think about is “Who are you when nobody is watching?”
This is especially important when it comes to the areas in your life where you deal with conflict, where you want to be able to be 100% honest, live with integrity, be a loving husband, be a kind person, be empathetic or be compassionate. For most of us, the place we always want to experience those things most is in our romantic relationship. But without clear values we find ourselves reacting to other people’s behavior and getting resentful.
Another MOP we help men to define is, “What do you know that tells you where your boundaries lie?”
What do you expect not just of yourself, but FOR YOURSELF?
And importantly…Where are you willing to make a stand?
These are all the things we talk about in coaching in the confidence and masculine mojo programs we run with men.
So to reiterate, the question that most of us haven’t taken the time to answer is:
What do I expect of myself when nobody is watching?
If we don’t have a clear answer to this question we wind up REACTING a lot more than RESPONDING.
And as you know, REACTING to negative circumstances is almost always from a place of fear. These reactions come from an insecure, 14-year-old version of ourselves. Reactions have unbridled and undisciplined emotions attached to them.
Masculine Operating Principles are the key to learning how to respond like a man.
Responses come from an inner peace and a solid awareness of who you want to BE. When you know exactly what you believe and what you expect from yourself, your thoughts are calm and confident.
And when your thoughts are calm and confident your emotions become calm and confident.
Like I said. Most men don’t take the time to figure out their M.O.P.’s.
But for those who do?
More calm. More confidence. More peace. More clarity. More laughing. More MOJO.
These improvements are a NATURAL RESULT of working out your own stuff.
Here’s what one man said has changed for him since being introduced to our coaching approach:
“Things are going great. My life is better than ever. I still have a lot of work to do but I can now see the light. I followed your advice realized my goals and found my purpose. Now with my head held high my wife has realized the change in me and became instantly attracted to me like a magnet. She was just waiting for the man in me to take charge. I thank her for her patience and feel sorry I made her wait so long. It is hard to become a man when you are surrounded by boys. With my new found masculinity I am confident I can be the male role model my son is going to need. You truly are an inspiration. My deepest gratitude “
It’s breakthroughs like that which will change your life. This work and the investment we make in it is amortized over the next 30-40 years.
Other articles you may find helpful:
The ONE THING You Need to Feel More Calm, Clear and ConfidentThe Great Testicular Heist!
Yeah. We believe in it that much. And we believe in you too…maybe more than you believe in yourself at this moment.
Think about it. Are you ready to experience a massive impact?
We would love to help you become so clear in what your MOP’s are that you no longer fear difficult conversations and instead start creating the life and relationship YOU want to experience.
What if this next year everything changed for you?
That’s what we want for you brother.
Books, articles and videos are great but to really make quick progress and get to a point where you’re consistently calm, confident and enthusiastic about life again you need other men who understand what you’re going through and who will challenge you to make the changes that you need to make.
Come and join us, either through 1-on-1 coaching with my colleague Dan Dore or me, or in our group coaching program with other amazing men who are travelling the same path as you right now in our Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable where we will help you re-find the confident, attractive man you know yourself to be.
Come and try our coaching through our Roundtable live coaching program here. There’s an amazing tribe of guys in this group with us, supporting and helping each other through this process of growth and self-realization.
We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.
Dan and I are here to guide you on this mission.
If you want to become a man who knows and trusts himself to create the life and love he wants, apply for a free consultation call with me or Dan. I guarantee you’ll feel a whole lot better by the end of our talk.
My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.
I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage.
