Hey brother,
I want to give you some crystal clear coaching about a common concern among men in our community.
What do I tell my wife about this work?!?!
How much should I share?
The 3-Step Emergency Triage for You AND Your Marriage >>
It’s a good question. Most guys mess it up big time.
How?
They talk too much. They brag about the books they’ve read, and the videos they’ve watched and the coaching they’re getting.
They start trying to “teach her” about attachment styles, love languages and masculine/feminine polarity.
Why is that so wrong?
It’s not “wrong”, it’s just horribly ineffective, unattractive and little bit pretentious. It just won’t impress her the way you think it might.
Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity >>
So, what do you say when she asks?
Here are my coaching tips for keeping it short, sweet and honest.
I’ll break them down by the type of energy and attitude she’s showing you.
Example 1:
Her: “I gotta say, I’m impressed by how much work you’ve been doing. I like what I’m seeing…just not sure if I trust it yet.”
You: “Thanks, yeah, it’s opening my mind and my heart a bit. Want a cup of coffee?”
Example 2:
Her: “What’s with all these books you’re ordering? The titles sound really weird. What are you up to?”
You: “Yeah, I’ve spent a lot of time wondering what the hell is going on with me. The books are helping me figure out some personal stuff and I’m shocked I’m reading more than I ever have. I’m learning stuff I wish my dad would have told me. Want a cup of coffee?”
Example 3:
Her: “I think I’m falling in love with this new version 2.0 of you. Why did it take you so long? I’ve been telling you this stuff for years!”
You: “Cool. I like him better too. I’m learning that a lot of men don’t really look inside themselves until their 40’s or 50’s. I deserve better. So do you, babe. Want a cup of coffee?”
Example 4:
Her: “It’s too little too late. I don’t care how much “work” you’re doing. I don’t trust you and I don’t think anyone ever changes for real. You just wait. You’ll go back to the old you.”
You: “Yeah, I get it. I’d probably feel pretty much the same way if I was in your shoes. I’m figuring out my changes have to be for ME. I needed to stop stepping on my own dick trying to make you happy. These changes have to be for ME in order to be permanent. Want a cup of coffee?”
What’s with all the coffee??
That’s my signature ending for guys who just don’t know how to shut up. It signals an official END to your answer.
It tells her (and you) that you have ZERO need to defend yourself, explain your work, justify your actions and MOST importantly…you do NOT need her approval, permission or attention. This is the most trustable energy you can have.
It helps if you have a lightness in your heart and amusement in your tone. Answer her questions from a place of complete comfort and casual confidence.
Many guys “do the work” for one reason.
They want a pat on the back.
Don’t do that. You’re now growing past the point of needing approval, encouragement or a freakin’ parade to do something you’ve needed to do for yourself for long time.
And THAT will be the most liberating feeling you’ve ever had. Promise.
If you’re ready for some lightness, amusement and confidence, then below are some options for you to take your first steps.
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know living in a sexless marriage is serious…and so is showing your kids what a healthy affectionate relationship looks like
- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity
$69 Monthly Subscription: Join Dan and I in our Men’s Roundtable Group Coaching membership. We meet three times per month for live group coaching and we support you in a powerful group of men facing the same issues you are. Get instant access to 5 years of recorded sessions. Try it for one month. What have you got to lose?
$397 One-Time Payment: How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a self-paced course with me, Tim Wade, and a community of men learning how to lead when you’ve just heard, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” or “I want to separate or divorce.”
As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
