GoodGuys2GreatMen Video Podcast

Why Your Sexual Edge Matters and How to Keep It

Dan Dore & Steve Horsmon • 7m 57s • 11 March 2017

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Why Your Sexual Edge Matters and How to Keep It
Video overview: Your sexual edge is not just about sex — it’s about how alive, directed, creative, and unapologetic you feel as a man. This video explores how living closer to that edge can change your relationship, your confidence, and the way you move through every part of your life.

A man’s sexual edge is not just about what happens in the bedroom.

It is about how he lives.

It is about the part of him that feels alive, focused, hungry, creative, directed, and unwilling to drift through life half-asleep.

That edge is not anxiety. It is not neediness. It is not pressure. It is not chasing sex so you can feel like a man.

It is something much cleaner than that.

Your sexual edge is the place where your desire and your direction meet.

It is the part of you that wants to create, lead, initiate, explore, build, express, and move toward life with clarity and intention. It is the part of you that does not want to sit around waiting for permission, approval, perfect conditions, or a guarantee that nobody will be upset.

It is masculine life force.

And when a man loses touch with that, he usually feels it everywhere.

He may feel flat in his marriage. Flat in his sex life. Flat in his work. Flat in his body. Flat in his purpose. He may still be doing all the responsible things, but something inside him feels dull, restrained, careful, or shut down.

He is alive, but not really lit up.

A lot of men in long-term relationships get used to living below their edge. They become safe, useful, predictable, and responsible, but not very alive. They take care of business. They pay the bills. They mind the store. They keep things running.

But somewhere along the way, they stop bringing desire into the room.

Not just sexual desire.

Desire for life.

Desire for growth.

Desire for adventure.

Desire for truth.

Desire for his own future.

Desire for his woman.

And when desire gets buried, resentment often grows in its place.

The man may start blaming his wife for the lack of passion. He may think, “If she wanted me more, I’d feel more alive.” Or, “If we had more sex, I’d feel confident again.” Or, “If she were warmer, I’d be more motivated.”

I understand why that happens.

But it gives away too much power.

Because your edge is yours.

Your wife can respond to it. She can be invited by it. She can be turned on or repelled by the way you carry it. But she cannot create it for you.

That is your work.

A man living on his sexual edge is not waiting for his wife to make him feel desirable before he brings his desire to life. He is not asking her body to awaken the part of him he has abandoned. He is not using sex as proof that he still matters.

He is already moving through life with intention.

He knows what he wants. He takes action. He tells the truth. He has standards. He creates momentum. He brings presence, direction, and warmth. He penetrates life with clarity rather than sitting back and hoping life finally gives him a reason to feel alive.

That word can sound provocative, but the meaning matters.

To penetrate life is to meet it directly.

It means you stop floating. You stop waiting. You stop hiding behind excuses, comfort, resentment, or fear. You bring yourself into your marriage, your work, your friendships, your body, your purpose, and your desires with more honesty and courage.

That is not selfish.

That is leadership.

A man who has lost his edge often becomes either needy or numb.

The needy man tries to pull life force from his wife. He wants her affection, attention, and sex to fill the emptiness he feels inside himself. He wants her to make him feel wanted, powerful, confident, and alive.

That pressure is heavy.

The numb man goes the other way. He shuts down. He becomes detached, flat, safe, busy, distracted, or quietly resentful. He tells himself he is fine, but his energy has left the building.

Neither man is living powerfully.

The man on his edge is different.

He is inspired, not anxious.

He is driven, not desperate.

He is focused, not controlling.

He is sensual without being needy. He is sexual without being pushy. He is ambitious without becoming cold. He is loving without losing himself.

That kind of man feels alive to be around.

Not because he is performing some macho act.

Because he is connected to his own fire.

This matters in a relationship because a woman can feel when a man is living from his edge. She can feel when he is awake inside himself. She can feel when he has direction, purpose, desire, and grounded confidence.

She can also feel when he is hiding.

She can feel when he is waiting for her to lead his emotional life. She can feel when he wants sex as reassurance rather than expression. She can feel when he has no bigger direction than trying not to upset her.

That does not create attraction.

And it does not create self-respect.

This video is an invitation to look at your sexual edge as a mirror.

Where are you alive?

Where are you dull?

Where are you inspired?

Where are you anxious?

Where are you creating?

Where are you waiting?

Where are you moving with intention?

Where are you hoping someone else will give you permission?

These are not small questions.

Because how you relate to your desire often shows how you relate to the rest of your life.

If you suppress desire, you may suppress truth.

If you fear rejection sexually, you may fear risk everywhere.

If you wait for your wife to validate your masculinity, you may be waiting for the world to validate your direction.

Brother, you do not need to live like that.

You can start reclaiming your edge by becoming honest about what you want. You can move your body. You can clean up your habits. You can tell the truth faster. You can stop leaking energy into resentment and start putting it into creation.

You can become a man who is awake, directed, and responsible for his own fire.

That may change your sex life.

It may change your marriage.

But even more importantly, it will change how you feel about being you.

Reclaim your edge as a man

If you feel flat, frustrated, or disconnected from your desire and direction, you don’t have to wait for your relationship to wake you up. We can help you build the inside game that brings more clarity, confidence, and life force into everything you do.

Talk to a coach →

About the Hosts

Steve Horsmon & Dan Dore | Certified Professional Men’s Coach

Steve Horsmon and Dan Dore have spent over a decade supporting good men who are confused, frustrated, and afraid that their marriages and families are falling apart with no idea what to do about it. We've both experienced the same emotions that you're going through now. We know what it feels like to try all the mainstream try harder, be nicer advice while watching things continue to get worse. And that's exactly why Goodguys2Greatmen exists. Since 2012, we've coached thousands of men through some of the hardest periods of their lives; marriage breakdown, emotional distance, sexless relationships, fears of divorce or separation. We focus on practical solutions to help you survive some of the most challenging and painful experiences that a man can go through. This podcast is for men who are done waiting for their life and relationships to improve and are ready to make some bold decisions so that you become more calm and confident and start moving toward what you really want.