GoodGuys2GreatMen Video Podcast

Is It WRONG To Want Her to Love Me??!!

Dan Dore & Steve Horsmon • 7m 16s • 8 May 2021

Book a free 90 minute strategy call →
Is It WRONG To Want Her to Love Me??!!
Video overview: If you want more intimacy, affection, appreciation and sex from your wife, this may be the talk no man ever gave you. Wanting her is not the problem, but needing her to make you feel like a man will keep you stuck. This video is the cold, hard truth about becoming the man who can actually create what he wants.

This is the talk most of us never got.

Your father probably didn’t sit you down and explain how to handle your desire for a woman without becoming needy, resentful or ashamed. Your uncle probably didn’t teach you how to want affection without begging for it. Your grandfather probably didn’t teach you how to lead intimacy with confidence, warmth and self-respect.

Most of them didn’t know either.

So we grew up trying to figure it out by ourselves.

We learned how to work. We learned how to provide. We learned how to be useful, responsible, polite, tough, productive and dependable. We learned how to be good men in a lot of practical ways.

But when it came to love, desire, sex, approval, appreciation and emotional connection with a woman, many of us were left guessing.

And that guessing can become painful.

You want her. You want more affection. You want more sex. You want more warmth, more fun, more softness, more appreciation. You want to feel like she likes you, respects you and wants to be close to you.

There is nothing wrong with wanting that.

Let me say that plainly.

Your desire is not the problem.

The problem starts when your desire turns into neediness, pressure, resentment or a quiet demand that she make you feel okay about yourself.

That is where men get into trouble.

A man can say, “I want more intimacy,” but underneath it he may be saying, “Please prove I’m still lovable.”

He can say, “I want more sex,” but underneath it he may be saying, “Please make me feel like a man again.”

He can say, “I want appreciation,” but underneath it he may be saying, “Please notice how hard I’m working so I don’t feel invisible.”

Brother, I understand all of that.

But your wife can feel the difference between being desired by a grounded man and being needed by a starving man.

One feels good.

The other feels heavy.

That’s the cold, hard truth.

If you want more intimacy, affection, connection, approval, appreciation and sex, you cannot build your whole inner life around trying to get those things from her. You have to become the kind of man who can create connection without chasing it, invite affection without demanding it and express desire without collapsing if she says no.

That is not easy.

It requires you to stop making her response the measure of your worth.

Most men don’t realize they’re doing this. They think they’re just trying to fix the marriage. They think they’re just asking for normal relationship needs. They think they’re just tired of feeling rejected, and that makes complete sense.

But when every touch, every conversation, every look and every sexual response becomes proof of whether you are enough, the relationship gets very tight.

She feels watched.

She feels measured.

She feels your disappointment before she even says a word.

Then you feel her distance and panic even more.

That cycle can go on for years.

This video is about breaking that cycle by telling you the truth most men never hear. The way to get more of what you want from a woman is not to become more desperate for it. It is to become more deeply anchored in yourself.

That means you know what you want.

You can say it clearly.

You can invite her into it.

You can also hear no without turning into a sulking boy, a prosecutor or a wounded victim.

That is strength.

It also means you stop waiting for her to hand you permission to feel confident, playful, sexual or alive. You bring those qualities because they are yours. You cultivate them. You practice them. You learn how to live from them even when the marriage feels uncertain.

This is where the inside game matters.

If your inside game is weak, you will keep trying to get your wife to fix the ache inside you. You will keep hoping sex will calm your anxiety. You will keep hoping affection will erase your insecurity. You will keep hoping appreciation will finally let you relax.

But if your inside game gets stronger, you become different to be around.

You are not less loving.

You are less desperate.

You are not less interested.

You are less hungry for rescue.

You are not less sexual.

You are less controlled by whether she responds exactly the way you want.

That is the man who has a chance to create something new.

A woman does not want to feel responsible for building your confidence from scratch every day. She does not want to feel like her body, her mood and her affection are the only things holding you together. She wants to feel a man who already has his own center.

A man who can want her without needing to own her.

A man who can love her without losing himself.

A man who can lead without forcing.

A man who can stand in desire without shame.

That is what nobody taught us.

And that is why men need other men. Because you cannot usually see your own blind spots when you’re in the middle of rejection, fear, anger and longing. You need men who can tell you the truth without shaming you. Men who can help you become clearer, stronger and more honest.

This video is not about tricks.

It is not about manipulating your wife into giving you more.

It is about becoming a man who can hold more love, more desire, more honesty and more self-respect than you were ever taught to hold.

That is the work.

And brother, it changes everything.

Learn the talk you never got

If you want more intimacy, affection and sex but keep feeling needy, rejected or resentful, we can help you see what’s really happening. You don’t have to hide your desire or chase approval — you can become clearer, stronger and easier to connect with.

Talk to a coach →

About the Hosts

Steve Horsmon & Dan Dore | Certified Professional Men’s Coach

Steve Horsmon and Dan Dore have spent over a decade supporting good men who are confused, frustrated, and afraid that their marriages and families are falling apart with no idea what to do about it. We've both experienced the same emotions that you're going through now. We know what it feels like to try all the mainstream try harder, be nicer advice while watching things continue to get worse. And that's exactly why Goodguys2Greatmen exists. Since 2012, we've coached thousands of men through some of the hardest periods of their lives; marriage breakdown, emotional distance, sexless relationships, fears of divorce or separation. We focus on practical solutions to help you survive some of the most challenging and painful experiences that a man can go through. This podcast is for men who are done waiting for their life and relationships to improve and are ready to make some bold decisions so that you become more calm and confident and start moving toward what you really want.