GoodGuys2GreatMen Video Podcast

How to Get Instant Relief from Horniness

Dan Dore & Steve Horsmon • 7m 45s • 16 July 2017

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How to Get Instant Relief from Horniness
Video overview: If you’re carrying disappointment, anger, resentment, frustration, or sexual hunger in your marriage, pretending you’re fine will slowly poison you. This video is about learning how to finally tell the truth without blame, games, pressure, or shame.

There comes a point in a man’s marriage where he gets tired of pretending.

He’s tired of acting like he’s fine when he’s not fine. He’s tired of saying, “It’s okay,” when it’s not okay. He’s tired of swallowing disappointment, anger, frustration, resentment, and sexual hunger because he doesn’t know what else to do with it.

And I’m going to say something very directly here.

A lot of men are walking around in their marriages feeling unseen, unappreciated, and under-sexed, but they’re still trying to be the “good guy” about it.

They don’t want to start a fight. They don’t want to be selfish. They don’t want to sound needy. They don’t want to pressure her. They don’t want to be the man who complains about sex, affection, appreciation, or attention.

So they hide the truth.

But the truth doesn’t disappear just because you don’t say it.

It comes out sideways.

It comes out as sarcasm. It comes out as coldness. It comes out as quiet resentment. It comes out as keeping score. It comes out as pulling away. It comes out as pornography, fantasy, emotional affairs, overworking, drinking, eating, scrolling, or silently giving up.

And sometimes it comes out as being a little too nice.

That’s the sneaky one.

A man can be very agreeable on the outside while being full of resentment on the inside. He can say all the right words, do all the helpful things, and still be secretly hoping she finally notices his sacrifice and gives him the affection, sex, appreciation, or kindness he’s been starving for.

That’s not honesty.

That’s a covert contract.

And it kills intimacy.

This video is about telling the truth. Not the childish version of truth where you unload every feeling onto your wife and call it honesty. Not the angry version where you blame her for everything you feel. Not the manipulative version where your “truth” is really just pressure wrapped in emotional language.

I’m talking about clean truth.

The kind where a man can say, “I’m disappointed,” without attacking her.

The kind where he can say, “I miss feeling wanted by you,” without making her responsible for his entire self-worth.

The kind where he can say, “I’m angry,” and then take responsibility for what he does with that anger.

The kind where he can say, “I’m horny and I love desiring you,” without turning desire into a complaint or a demand.

Most men were never taught how to do this.

We were taught to work hard, provide, keep going, solve problems, and not make a fuss. We were taught to be useful. We were taught to be strong by needing less.

But in a marriage, if you keep needing less and saying less and revealing less, don’t be surprised when your wife feels less of you.

You can’t build a passionate relationship from hidden resentment.

You can’t build trust from half-truths.

You can’t create real intimacy while pretending your desires don’t matter.

And you can’t expect your wife to feel close to a man who is quietly disappearing behind politeness.

That’s why this matters right now.

Because if you feel unseen, unappreciated, or under-sexed, you’re probably already doing something with that pain. You may not be doing it consciously, but you’re doing something. You’re either using it to become more honest, more grounded, and more self-respecting, or you’re using it to become bitter, indirect, and smaller.

A lot of men think the answer is to get their wife to change first.

“If she appreciated me more, I’d feel better.”

“If she wanted sex more, I’d be happier.”

“If she were kinder, I’d be more open.”

I understand those thoughts. I’ve had versions of them myself. But they leave you powerless.

The stronger question is, “What truth am I avoiding because I’m afraid of her reaction?”

That’s where your work begins.

Maybe you need to tell the truth that you’re lonely.

Maybe you need to tell the truth that sex matters deeply to you.

Maybe you need to tell the truth that you’ve been acting like everything is okay because you’re afraid she’ll reject you if you stop performing.

Maybe you need to tell the truth that you’ve been calling yourself patient when you’ve really been passive.

That level of honesty can scare the hell out of a man.

But it also wakes him up.

Truth-telling is not about guaranteeing your wife responds the way you want. She may not. She may get defensive. She may be hurt. She may need time. She may reveal truths of her own that you don’t want to hear.

But at least you’re finally in reality.

And reality is where mature men live.

This video will help you stop playing games with your own feelings. It will help you see that your frustration is not the enemy. Your horniness is not shameful. Your anger is not proof you’re a bad man. Your resentment is not something to bury and pretend away.

These feelings are signals.

They’re showing you where you’ve stopped telling the truth, where you’ve stopped leading yourself, and where you’ve started hoping your wife will magically understand what you’ve never clearly owned.

There is nothing attractive about a man who blames his wife for feelings he refuses to understand.

But there is something deeply powerful about a man who can stand in his truth with warmth, humility, and courage.

That’s the man we’re talking about here.

Not a perfect man. Not a man with all the right words. Not a man who never gets angry or never feels rejected.

A man who stops hiding.

A man who tells the truth because he respects himself, his wife, and the marriage enough to stop pretending.

Tell the truth without losing yourself

If you’re carrying anger, resentment, sexual frustration, or disappointment, you don’t have to keep pretending you’re fine. We can help you get clear about what you really feel and say it from strength instead of fear.

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About the Hosts

Steve Horsmon & Dan Dore | Certified Professional Men’s Coach

Steve Horsmon and Dan Dore have spent over a decade supporting good men who are confused, frustrated, and afraid that their marriages and families are falling apart with no idea what to do about it. We've both experienced the same emotions that you're going through now. We know what it feels like to try all the mainstream try harder, be nicer advice while watching things continue to get worse. And that's exactly why Goodguys2Greatmen exists. Since 2012, we've coached thousands of men through some of the hardest periods of their lives; marriage breakdown, emotional distance, sexless relationships, fears of divorce or separation. We focus on practical solutions to help you survive some of the most challenging and painful experiences that a man can go through. This podcast is for men who are done waiting for their life and relationships to improve and are ready to make some bold decisions so that you become more calm and confident and start moving toward what you really want.