GoodGuys2GreatMen Video Podcast

Disrespect & Dealing With Emotional Triggers – Live Coaching

Dan Dore & Steve Horsmon • 19m 55s • 27 January 2018

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Disrespect & Dealing With Emotional Triggers – Live Coaching
Video overview: If criticism or rejection from your wife knocks you off centre, you may be trying to carry too much of this alone. This video explains why a man needs other men in his corner when marriage gets hard — and how that support helps him become calmer, more confident, and more attractive under pressure.

Rejection from your wife can hit harder than almost anything else.

It may not look dramatic from the outside. Maybe she turns away in bed. Maybe she criticises the way you did something. Maybe she complains again about something you thought you were already trying to fix. Maybe she gives you that look that makes you feel like nothing you do is right.

And suddenly, there you are.

A grown man who handles pressure everywhere else, feeling like a wounded boy inside his own marriage.

That’s what rejection can do.

It can make you defensive. It can make you angry. It can make you withdraw. It can make you start explaining yourself, proving your intentions, listing everything you do, and trying to show her that you’re not the bad guy.

But the more you argue for your goodness, the less calm and confident you feel.

And the less calm and confident you feel, the more she feels your insecurity.

That’s a hard loop to break.

A lot of men are living inside that loop right now. Their wife feels critical, distant, irritated, cold, or impossible to please. They feel like they’re constantly being judged. They start bracing themselves before every interaction. They expect the complaint before it even comes.

And then they wonder why they don’t feel loving, playful, honest, or attractive anymore.

Brother, if this is you, I want you to hear something clearly.

You’re not crazy for feeling hurt.

You’re also not powerless.

There is a way to handle rejection, criticism, and complaint with more strength. But most men cannot learn it while sitting alone in their own head, replaying the same painful scenes over and over again.

That’s where other men matter.

Not just any men.

Not men who will pour gasoline on your resentment and tell you your wife is the whole problem. Not men who will help you become bitter, superior, or emotionally lazy. That kind of support may feel good for a minute, but it will not make you stronger.

You need men who have your back and tell you the truth.

A man who can say, “I see why that hurt you,” and also say, “Now let’s look at how you reacted.”

A man who believes in you more than you believe in yourself right now, but who will not let you hide behind excuses.

A man who can remind you that your wife’s criticism does not define you, and your reaction to it still matters.

That kind of support is priceless.

Most men don’t have it.

They’ve been busy working their ass off. Paying the bills. Raising kids. Keeping the house going. Trying to keep a marriage together. Doing life. Handling responsibilities. Being useful. Being dependable.

And somewhere along the way, their male friendships faded.

The deep ones, anyway.

They may still know guys. They may still text people. They may still have work mates, neighbours, old friends, and people they can talk sports or business with.

But when their marriage starts breaking their heart, they don’t know who to call.

So they isolate.

They suffer privately. They search online. They try to get their wife to be the one who reassures them, comforts them, validates them, and helps them rebuild their confidence.

But your woman cannot take you there.

And she doesn’t want to.

She does not want to be the only person holding your emotional world together. She does not want to be responsible for making you feel like a man. She does not want to feel that every criticism, every disappointment, every “no,” or every hard conversation will cause you to collapse, defend, or chase reassurance.

She wants to feel you steady.

And other men can help you become steady.

When a man has real male support, he stops making every moment with his wife the final verdict on his worth. He has somewhere else to take his fear, shame, confusion, anger, and pain. He has men who can help him sort the truth from the story he’s telling himself.

That changes how he shows up at home.

He listens better. He reacts less. He stops defending every little thing. He starts asking better questions. He starts taking care of his own emotional state instead of making his wife responsible for it.

That is attractive.

Not because it’s a trick. Not because it guarantees she will soften or become affectionate tomorrow. But because emotional steadiness is easier to trust than panic, resentment, or neediness.

If your wife criticises you and you immediately become defensive, she feels she cannot reach you.

If she rejects you and you become wounded, cold, or punishing, she feels your love has conditions.

If she complains and you turn it into a courtroom, she learns that telling you the truth is exhausting.

But if you can stay calm, grounded, honest, and self-respecting, the whole atmosphere changes.

That does not mean you agree with every complaint.

It does not mean you become a doormat.

It does not mean you pretend rejection feels good.

It means you learn how to handle the moment as a man you respect.

That kind of man is not born in isolation.

He is built in relationship with other men.

That is why this work matters so much. You need a tribe. You need at least one man who sees you, hears you, understands where you are, and knows you are capable of more than the version of you who is currently reacting from hurt.

Because when you start believing in yourself again, you stop begging your wife to do that job for you.

You become happier.

You become more honest.

You become more loving without being needy.

You become more confident without being arrogant.

And you become much more capable of leading yourself through the hard moments that used to knock you flat.

That is the man your marriage needs.

More importantly, that is the man you need.

Get men in your corner

If rejection, criticism, or distance from your wife is shaking your confidence, you don’t have to keep carrying it alone. We can help you get steady, see yourself clearly, and build the kind of calm strength that grows best with other men.

Talk to a coach →

About the Hosts

Steve Horsmon & Dan Dore | Certified Professional Men’s Coach

Steve Horsmon and Dan Dore have spent over a decade supporting good men who are confused, frustrated, and afraid that their marriages and families are falling apart with no idea what to do about it. We've both experienced the same emotions that you're going through now. We know what it feels like to try all the mainstream try harder, be nicer advice while watching things continue to get worse. And that's exactly why Goodguys2Greatmen exists. Since 2012, we've coached thousands of men through some of the hardest periods of their lives; marriage breakdown, emotional distance, sexless relationships, fears of divorce or separation. We focus on practical solutions to help you survive some of the most challenging and painful experiences that a man can go through. This podcast is for men who are done waiting for their life and relationships to improve and are ready to make some bold decisions so that you become more calm and confident and start moving toward what you really want.