Why Doesn’t My Wife Want Sex With Me?

I want to explain something critically important to you in as few words as possible.

Short, sweet and directly to the point.

It’s an unconscious habit that negatively influences EVERY MAN’S sexual energy, attractiveness and, therefore, the quality of his sex life.

What’s the trait she can smell at the molecular level every time you do it?

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It’s the constant churning of a hidden agenda to convince, persuade, manipulate or BARGAIN your way into her pants.

Let me make this really clear.

She can smell the following things like a wet dog on her pillow:

  • Any attempt to do something with an expectation you should get sexual reward in return
  • Any unspoken sense of entitlement to her body and genitalia
  • Any implication that you’re keeping score and she owes you something
  • Any feeling that you’re tricking her into a secret contract in which the payoff is you getting what you want
  • Any expression of anger, judgment, retaliation or criticism whenever you don’t get what you want

What to Do Instead

Do you remember the time when physical affection was effortless?

Do you remember when you could see right into her eyes that she was ready and willing to be intimate?

Do you remember how damn EASY everything felt back then?

Here’s what was likely going on for you both back then. Let’s call it “Plan A”:

  • You had an unspeakable trust in each other
  • You were naturally kind, thoughtful and considerate
  • You had unquestionable positive regard and respect for each other
  • You were quick to forgive and quick to reconnect
  • You really, really LIKED each other for who you each were
  • It was the perfect passionate storm, wasn’t it?

Now that you’re an “old married guy”, guess what my advice is if you want to rekindle desire in your relationship?

Yep…go back to Plan A. Go back to the REAL reasons you originally enjoyed easy touch, playful affection and mutual passion.

STOP playing the new games. They don’t work and will never work.

I know! It’s almost too obvious!

The reason most couples just can’t go back to Plan A is because they’ve entered the twilight zone of their relationship called DISILLUSIONMENT.

It’s the stage of marriage that EVERY ONE hits at some point.

The obstacles seem insurmountable.

You can only remember bad things…hurtful things.

You wonder if you’re even compatible anymore or if you just chose the wrong person.

And those “tingly down there” feelings of love, attraction and desire have been replaced by tingly feelings of pain in your ass.

Why This is Actually Good News

Most guys have no idea that this stage is normal…no, not normal. It’s an absolute REQUIREMENT if you want to get to the next stage of relationship.

Yes. This weird, icky, power struggling phase of resentment and second guessing is the door through which we LEARN NEW STUFF.

My friend and marriage therapist, Jed Diamond, says the next stage is where the good stuff happens. It’s where REAL love is created. The next stage is where true understanding, acceptance and reconnection can happen.

It’s like falling in love again. But this time is for REAL.

No more games. No more bargaining. No more secrets.

Your challenge is to realize that it takes ONE person to see this stage for what it is and decide to starting changing immediately.

It takes a man to decide to stop the free fall into disillusionment…which normally ends in misery whether you stay married or not.

You see your part in getting to this phase and you will see your role in getting out of it.

You’ll relax and breathe again. You’ll stop all the silly thoughts and the “smelly” games that have helped create this phase of competitive struggle.

And you will START being the kind of man who leads himself and his marriage back into PLAN A energy.

It all starts with you which is why I’m dedicated to coaching only men.

I believe there is NO SUCH THING as a happy, loving, secure, mature, affectionate and passionate relationship without a man at the helm who confidently and naturally embodies those same traits.

The only thing we need to create the life we want is to BECOME the very nature of the life we want.

And that takes courage and commitment to becoming that man no matter what.

In our coaching and courses we go DEEP into the fear and insecurities that crush a man’s courage.

Here are some options for you to join us and start creating a whole new reality for yourself:

The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

The MEXICO MOJO MASTERY retreat for March 2020 is now 40% full! This is an advanced retreat for men who have had one-on-one coaching or have attended other retreats.and we can’t wait to meet up again in Punta Mita at the Hacienda Alegra. Click that link for some mind-blowing pics.

Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and I host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.

What if this next year everything changed for you?

That’s what we want for you brother.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

Sign up to receive my email newsletters here for lots more free tips and advice.

You can watch all my videos here and read my blog articles here.

See what life changing results you’re missing out on here.

author avatar
Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on well known coachign and psychology television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want. He has written articles and guest blogs for numerous relationship and expert websites.

Frequently Asked Questions


Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
  • Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
  • Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
  • You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
  • You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

This is the secret your dad never told you about – You have more power than you know.

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