Are You Making This Common Relationship Mistake?

There’s something I want to share with you in this article…

I’m seeing a lot of men falling into a huge trap.

This can be a trap if you’re married, in an exclusive relationship…or even if you’re single.

Having a girlfriend can be a HEALTHY decision or it can be a messy, emotional cry for help.

Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity >>

You can make her the delicious icing on your cake.

Or you can make her the flour in your cake – the very source of strength, stability and confidence in your life.

Guess which one I want for you.

Here are the 3 signs you know you’re not ready for a girlfriend yet.

The first sign you’re not ready for a girlfriend – You’re still married.

You’re still married and thinking that you want a girlfriend too and that it might just work out. Maybe you’re “working on your marriage” but you have a girlfriend that you’re sexting with or that you go out with and have sex with.

Maybe you talk to another woman at lunch and you’re flirting like crazy because you’re trying to find some sense of confidence, some sense of value or worthiness.

I’m here to tell you that if you actually think that your marriage has a chance, then getting a girlfriend is NOT the answer.

It’s a distraction from building the skills you need to be able to become a strong, confident, courageous, self-reliant man who knows how to lead his relationship to a more loving, exciting place. Alternatively if you don’t want to revive your marriage then the next best thing for you is o become a man who ends the relationship the right way, with love and consideration for her.

Other articles you may find helpful:

How To Handle Valentine’s Day When You’re Separated
Do Women Need to Feel Connected to Have Sex? – Shana James and Alexis Shepperd

You don’t just start talking to other women because the woman you’re with isn’t working out.

That’s a sign that you’re looking for some kind of validation and strength outside of yourself.

The second sign you’re not ready for a girlfriend – You think that she makes you feel better about yourself.

You have a girlfriend and she makes you feel strong, she makes you feel confident, she makes you feel brave and she makes you feel happy.

This is the mindset that a woman can make you feel something that you can’t.

Yes, a woman in a healthy relationship can cause you to feel connection, affection, appreciation and love and Yes, those are the feelings we all want to feel.

However, having a girlfriend BECAUSE you can’t feel happy, strong or courageous without her, having a girlfriend BECAUSE she somehow completes you, feeling empty or feeling like you’re unable to be apart from her because she fills up all your buckets of wellbeing – those are sure fire signs that you’re NOT ready for a girlfriend.

Feeling strong, brave, confident and courageous is a requirement in your marriage; it’s also a requirement in your relationship with your kids and in your relationships with your friends. You don’t want to only feel those things when you’re with a woman.

So the second sign that you’re not ready for a girlfriend is that you’re preoccupied with the idea that somehow this woman completes you or makes you feel strong, confident and courageous.

The third sign you’re not ready for a girlfriend – You like the idea of a plan B.

You get a quiet reassurance from the idea that there’s a backup plan and that you have a safety net, which makes you feel emotionally safe.

This is the idea that, if you’re in a bad relationship now, you can start being brave and cocky and pushing the edges with your girlfriend or wife BECAUSE you have a plan B.

This is much like the first reason. If you have your eye on another ball, there’s no way that the ball you’re working with now can be fixed.

And if you’re a man working on trying to become more self reliant, more confident, more outcome independent, more courageous and more happy in yourself without somebody else making you feel that way…a plan B is a sure sign that you don’t feel that way.

Do you see the pattern here?

The secret is to know that you have to become whole FIRST.

Other articles you may find helpful:

What if Your Wife “Fired” You Tomorrow?
Saving Your Marriage vs. Saving Yourself

You know you’re not ready for a girlfriend if you think a girlfriend is the answer to things that you feel like you’re missing inside yourself.

Confidence.

Courage.

Happiness.

Those things don’t come from another woman. You have to make sure that you have them inside yourself.

When I got with my girlfriend 7 years ago I had to ask myself those same questions…

Am I doing this for the right reasons?

It was a tough question.

This is what I want for you too.

I want you to be sure that while you’re trying to fix your marriage or thinking about getting into a new relationship, you’re not relying on these people to give you that sense of value, sense of importance or sense of significance.

Confidence, courage and happiness come from inside you.

We love to help men understand when they’ve been searching for their confidence and happiness in the wrong places. Often it’s these very subtle things that are unconsciously causing their relationship to nosedive.

We would love to help you become more confident, more courageous and more happy in the areas of your life where you’re struggling.

Either through 1-on-1 coaching with my colleague Dan Dore or me, or in our group coaching program.

Come and join us and some other amazing men who are travelling the same path as you right now, join our Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable where we will help you re-find the confident, attractive man you know yourself to be.

Find out more about our Roundtable live coaching program here. There’s an amazing tribe of guys in this group with us, supporting and helping each other through this process of growth and self realization.

What if this next year everything changed for you?

That’s what I want for you brother,

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

Dan and I are here to guide you on this mission.

If you want to become a man who knows and trusts himself to create the life and love he wants, apply for a free consultation call with me or Dan. I guarantee you’ll feel a whole lot better by the end of our talk.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

You can watch all my videos here and read my blog articles here.

See what life changing results you’re missing out on here.

Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach

Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on well known coachign and psychology television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want. He has written articles and guest blogs for numerous relationship and expert websites.

See Full Bio

Frequently Asked Questions

Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

You won’t find negative, hateful language.
You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

Have questions about your relationship?

Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men's Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.